In recent days I have reconnected with a lost friend from our days in South Carolina. One of the beauties of Facebook, is getting reconnected across the years and miles. In reconnecting with this friend, I have been reflecting on the changes that have come and gone in those years that have passed to present. We were in the later stages of fore-running a coffee house/concert hall outreach to the community, it was an all consuming work, inspired with great passion to reach young people. I find it interesting how our passions can consume us and get us so busy 'doing' that we forget to 'be'. In my days of connecting with this friend, this was the 'mode of operation' I was in for so long. They never really got to know the 'me' that 'be's' rather than the 'me' that 'did'. Am I making sense to any of you out there?
In 'those days' I was lost in the work of 'doing' rather than 'being'. I didn't paint for about 10-12 years during those 'doing' years, and honestly when I finally did pick up a paint brush and begin the journey of 'being' again, it was a bit frightening. The idea of 'relaxing' in 'being'...was such a foreign mindset for me. For the last 14 years I had allowed myself to become a 'doer', losing the essence of just 'being'. If this isnt making sense to you yet, let me try a little harder to explain...
There are things we are created to 'be', and there are things we create to 'do'. None of it is wrong, but it isnt always necessarily right. I was created to 'create'. The gifting was deposited in me somewhere between conception and about 8 years old. Unsure, but that isnt the point, the point is that there is a gifting that was such a part of my 'being' from the time I was a child to present, that in the 'doing' I lost all sense of 'being'.
I dont know why it takes some of us longer to come to an understanding of accepting 'being' instead of striving through our 'doings'. But for me personally, I seemed to be on a mission of 'doing' rather than 'being' for years. In my journey of what I call 'healing heart hurts' from 'who knows where exactly'...I have finally entered the interstate of 'being' rather than 'doing'. I have accepted and welcomed 'who I am'. A huge statement from a compulsive 'doer'.
Its a place I have welcomed in my heart, my life. Its a place that I have learned to 'value'. I have learned to accept who I am without 'doing', but rather 'being'. In this I have found a greater joy and passion in what I 'do' as 'I am'. (I love the word play here, lol) Things are less complicated, things are simpler, there is less striving, more relaxing as I 'do' what I was created to 'be'.
Life is different here for us as we have made our transition to Colorado. Life is different because we are different. I am different. I have learned over the years to be at peace with 'being' rather than 'doing'. Now to confuse the word play a little more...Its not that I dont 'do'...but its an effortless outflow of me 'being' rather than the work of 'doing'.
So back to the reconnecting with the friend...in my time in relationship I had not painted that I can recall even one painting. In reconnecting, my friend has had the opportunity to meet me in a way that was nearly impossible before. I am more me now, then I have ever been. Now, in the effortless attempts of 'being', my friend is reconnecting to who I really am, not just someone who 'does'. I am more honest in my relationship now than ever as the pretense of engagement is simply 'being' rather than the 'doing'.
In some regards I feel like I am breathing again, I have tapped into who I am like never before. My passion for horses is more alive than when I was a child, my creativity is being tapped into like a well gone dry that has sprung fresh water. I am thankful for the land of 'doing' as without living in that land for a season of my life, I may not have had the longing and desire to search for more...finding 'being' much more natural in daily rythm and definetly more lifegiving.
Cip, my husband and I took a drive to Estes Park CO yesterday. It was a wonderful day as I packed a picnic lunch and we just reminiced from our honeymoon a few months over 25 years ago. I was overwhelmed the same yesterday as I was then with the beauty of the mountain range. 25 years ago, I was 'being'...I was painting and creating, somewhere that part of me was lost for years. The journey of 'reclaiming' who I am, and learning to 'be' rather than 'do' has been a rough haul. I feel like I have come full circle in some sense, though I know I haven't arrived yet either. There is still much work to do within this heart of mine, but strides have been taken that have become the proving ground of good change.
On our way home yesterday my husband shared some insightful reminders that were encouraging to affirm that he see's the fruit of my 'being' rather than 'doing'. It was good to hear, sometimes we forget how far we have come until someone points it out to us.
The air was brisk the day before we left for Estes Park. I watched the horses in the pasture, Belle leaping on her daddy, Liberty, and them bucking, running and playing in the chilled morning air. They were 'being' who they have been created 'to be'. It was a gentle reminder as I watched them frolicking through the pasture together.
I encourage you, just 'be'.